The oblique noise…

Knowing that I’ll get to make a piece of art after I get home work is one of only a very small number of things that helps me get through the day. When a piece comes together it brings a bit of redemption to an otherwise irredeemably shitty day. When it clicks, when it flows, you feel as if anything were possible. Sometimes the hope of that experience is the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning. But, then there are pieces like this…pieces that seemed like they had potential but,for one reason or another that potential was never realized, never came to fruition, or emerged stillborn. 

Days like this, when the art sucks, are really fucking hard. It makes a bad day seem even worse. After patiently grinding through the day, with clenched jaws, and gritted teeth, in hopeful anticipation of a possibly climactic moment, the moment arrives and falls flat, ushered in by disappointment. The entire impetus of the day has hinged upon this period of time, and when it fails to live up to the hype, when it fumbles before ever arriving, the whole day feels wasted. You begin to wonder why you even bothered, why you bothered trying, why you bothered tearing yourself from the warmth and safety of the blankets and sheets, and you begin to wonder how you’ll manage to find the strength or will do it again tomorrow?

I don’t have an answer to any of those questions, maybe I’ll figure it out tomorrow…I hope so… For now, all I know is that I’m tired, I feel like shit, and today sucked…

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