I don’t know if everything really does get better, but I know that it can. I know that the presence of potentiality is always redolent and teeming. On good days I’ve managed to catch a glimpse of how gloriously good it can be. I don’t know how far the road is between “here” and “better”, I’m not even sure if there is a road between the two. Perhaps it is only the distance of this breath. Matt Haig says that “maybe there are no easy paths. There are just paths”. Maybe all there is, is just the road. Maybe there is nothing but the path. Maybe all we have is just “here”. After all, we can be no where else. To avoid being ‘now-here’ leaves us ‘no-where’.
Being ‘here’ doesn’t always feel particularly hopeful. Often all of our most angst-ridden questions revolve around the recognition and realization that we are ‘here’: “Why am I here?” “How did I get here?” “Where do I go from here?” These questions and so many swirling more are counted amongst the mass of things I don’t know. But what I do know is that no matter how hard it is to be, we are, in fact, unavoidably here, and we are still breathing.
I know that sometimes the sheer fact of our breathing here-ness is difficult. I know that sometimes its hard to think about existing beyond the next breath. I know that sometimes the thought of having to bear the anxious weight of another breath piled high upon all the other heaving breaths that came before it seems like an impossible task.
But, this one breath that is here, is the only one that matters. This one breath that you can hold on to, is the one that can hold you upright. This one breath that you can catch, is the one that can keep you steady. Perhaps there is only this one breath. Perhaps there has only ever been this one breath.
In Hebrew the word for ‘breath’ is ‘Ruah’, and in the creation myth of Genesis it is the ‘Ruah Elohim’, the ‘breath of God’, that hovers over the waters of the primordial deep to begin the work of beginning the world.
Everything that is, begins with breath, and everything that you will become begins with the truth of your breathing. Your breath is a bridge that connects you to to the same force and fire that created the stars and called out the light that divides the dark, and it is your breath that can continue the work.
You are hollow and hurting, and this is a time that requires conservation in the face of what feels insufficient. You will blossom and bloom into something both new and renewed, but you will need all that you have, you will need all that you are, you will need to breathe. This breath is better than any other. It is better than any that came before, and it is better than any that will come next, because it is the one that you have. It is safe. It is certain. It is enough, and it is all that you need…